You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
