tonight lets celebrate not being married
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
