Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
