Sry I called you an 8
If that was your dad, he is hot
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
