There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
