The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
