seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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