you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
