you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
