The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
