hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
