i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
