So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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