I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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