you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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