I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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