The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i need an iv and a liver transplant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The best revenge is premature balding
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
