it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize