Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
