If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
