every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
