as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
