Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
