I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
