Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
