i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
