You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
