make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
