He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
