My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
