Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
