You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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