Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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