Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
