Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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