I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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