Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize