i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
