i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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