There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
