no, he came in my armpit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
