I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are we still banned from the library?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
