my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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