Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
