is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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