Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
