I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
