??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
