Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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