i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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