I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
