idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize