You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
