You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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