you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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