I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
