We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize