Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
