Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
