He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize