Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
