In the future we'll all be gay
that's an acceptable place to lick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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