After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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