Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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