Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
