That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
