...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
