u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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