Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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