I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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