when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
