so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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