she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need moral support for this bender
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
