I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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