Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
