it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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