I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
