i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
