My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
