Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
