I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
